Choices Remembered
by dayglo1
Summary: The ghosts of the past will always haunt. Follows Choices Regretted **Finally finished!!**
1. My True Love's Pyre

Title: Choices Remembered  
  
Chapter 1-My True Love's Pyre  
  
Summary: On a windless day/ I saw the life blood drained away/ a cold wind blows on a windless day  
  
Author's Notes: This follows Choices Made and Choices Regretted(I know, I suck at titles). The parts of this story will probably come out much slower than the previous two, because I currently have no idea where I'm going to take this. This part's in Grissom's POV. The song Ben's Song is by Sarah McLachlan.  
  
Spoilers: None in this chapter, though it may change later  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, song's not mine either. Don't sue, I have no money.  
  
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy  
  
Archive: Sure, just let me know  
  
  
On the hills of fire the darkest hour  
I was dreaming of my true love's pyre  
  
  
I open the door and find Catherine lying on her bed, a bottle of pills by her hand. *NO, not again*.  
  
  
who will bring a light to stoke the fire  
fear not for you're still breathing  
  
  
I rush to her and feel for a pulse. Thanking God that there still is one, I dial 911.  
  
  
On a windless day  
I saw the life blood drained away  
  
  
What's taking the ambulance so long? Suddenly, I realize that Cath's stopped breathing. Panicked, I start CPR.  
  
  
a cold wind blows on a windless day  
  
  
By the time the ambulance arrives, it's too late. She's gone. As the paramedics pack up and begin to leave, I allow the tears to stream down my face. I couldn't save her this time.  
  
  
Hear the cry for new life the mourning's flame  
you were the brightest light that burned to soon in vain  
  
  
Suddenly, I hear a small voice from behind me, "Mommy?" I turn around and see Lindsey standing in the doorway, wide-eyed.   
  
  
who will bring you back from where there's no return  
  
  
I briefly close my eyes, then open them and hold out my arms for Lindsey. I have no idea what to do, or say. I feel like a boat that's been cut adrift. I hold Lindsey and wonder how I'm supposed to go on.  
  
  
fear not for you're just dreaming  
  
  
I wake with a start, breathing heavily. I try to calm my racing heart. *It's just a dream*, I tell myself. *Cath's okay*.  
  
  
On a winter's day  
I saw the life blood drained away  
  
  
Once I've oriented myself, I drop my head into my hands. That's the third time this week I've had that dream, and despite her promise, I can't help but feel an awful sense of foreboding.  
  
  
a cold wind blows on a windless day  
  
  
TBC 


	2. Hush

Title: Choices Remembered  
  
Chapter 2-Hush  
  
Summary: hush little baby, don't say a word/ never mind that noise you heard/ it's just the beasts under your bed/ in your closet, in your head  
  
Author's Notes: This part's in Cath's POV. The song Enter Sandman is by Metallica. I'm not really sure if this chapter works, so I'd love to know what you all think. All other notes and stuff are in chapter one.  
  
  
Say your prayers little one   
Don't forget, my son   
To include everyone  
  
  
I watch as Lindsey says her prayers. When she's done, I move to tuck her into bed and wish her sweet dreams. She wishes me the same. *If only*, I think as I head to my room.  
  
  
Tuck you in, warm within   
keep you free from sin   
till the sandman he comes  
  
  
Tonight's my night off, and normally, I'd be thrilled, but instead, tonight I'm terrified. Things always seem so much worse at night.  
  
  
sleep with one eye open   
gripping your pillow tight   
  
  
For the past three weeks, I've had a recurring dream. It's bad enough during the day, but at night, it's some how even worse. I hate that I'm afraid to go to sleep.  
  
  
Exit, light   
Enter, Night   
  
  
As I lay in bed, I struggle to stay awake, hoping that maybe, if I wait long enough, the dreams won't come tonight. But I'm so tired.   
  
  
Take my hand   
we're off to never-never land   
  
  
*I need to stay awake* is my last thought as the fatigue overcomes me.  
  
  
Something's wrong, shut the light   
heavy thoughts tonight   
  
  
Sure enough, as soon as sleep comes, so does the dream, which I just can't seem to escape.  
  
  
And they aren't of snow white   
dreams of war, dreams of liars   
dreams of dragon's fire   
and of things that will bite   
  
  
I'm ten years old and I sit alone in my room, huddled in a corner. I can hear my parents in the hallway. They're fighting again. My head snaps up when I hear my mom call out my father's name. She sounds…scared. Then, I hear her scream and a loud thud. Then silence. For as long as I live, I will never forget that horrible silence. I run out into the hallway and peer down the stairs. My father's at the bottom, trying to get my mom to wake up. He looks up when he hears me approach. "Go call an ambulance", he says, "she fell down the stairs."  
  
  
sleep with one eye open   
gripping your pillow tight   
  
  
I toss and turn in my sleep as the dream haunts me again. No matter what I do, I just can't seem to be free of it. It's there and I can't escape it. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew that it was just imaginings of my mind, instead of memories I'd give anything to forget. It's always so much worse when the nightmare is real.  
  
  
Exit, light   
Enter, Night   
Take my hand   
we're off to never-never land  
  
  
Finally, I wake, shooting up in bed with a strangled scream passing through my lips.  
  
  
Now I lay me down to sleep   
Now I lay me down to sleep  
  
  
After I've calmed down, I go to check on Lindsey.   
  
  
I pray the lord my soul to keep   
I pray the lord my soul to keep  
  
  
She's sleeping peacefully in her bed. I wonder fleetingly if she ever has nightmares of my suicide attempt. I pray that she doesn't, that she'll never have to live the nightmare in her dreams.  
  
  
If I die before I wake   
If I die before I wake  
  
  
I quietly enter her room and place a soft kiss on her forehead. It still amazes me sometimes, that, in a single moment, I almost gave her up.  
  
  
I pray the lord my soul to take   
I pray the lord my soul to take  
  
  
After another silent prayer for her peace of mind and soul, I reluctantly return to my room. As terrified as I am, I know I need to try to get some more sleep.  
  
  
hush little baby, don't say a word   
never mind that noise you heard   
it's just the beasts under your bed  
  
  
As I lie in bed, the silence surrounds me. And I can almost hear my mom's long-ago screams and the thump as she fell down the stairs.   
  
  
in your closet, in your head  
  
  
And then the silence returns. Always, the silence.  
  
  
Exit, light   
Enter, Night   
Grain of sand   
we're off to never-never land  
  
  
I toss and turn as sleep once again slowly overtakes me.  
  
  
Exit, light   
Enter, Night   
Take my hand   
  
  
I don't why this dream has recently returned. It's been years since it haunted me. But as I once again fall into restless slumber, I can't help but feel an awful sense of foreboding.  
  
  
we're off to never-never land   
  
TBC 


	3. Can't Fight It

Title: Choices Remembered  
  
Chapter 3-Can't Fight It  
  
Summary: One day I'll die/ The choice will not be mine/ Will it be too late/ You can't fight it  
  
Author's Notes: Arrgh!! This chapter has been so hard to write. I decided to take this story in a completely different direction than I had intended and I just couldn't make this chapter work. I think I've finally gotten most of the kinks out of it (I hope). I'm still not sure I like it though, so I'd love to hear what the rest of you think. The song Out of Control is by U2. This chapter fluxuates between Grissom and Catherine's POV's. Hopefully it'll be pretty obvious who's POV it is when. All other notes and stuff is in Chapter 1.  
  
Spoilers: The Pilot and Cool Change  
  
  
Monday morning   
Eighteen years of dawning   
I say how long   
You say how long   
  
  
I don't know how long I've been standing here, propped up against the wall, but I don't think I can move. I saw Lieutenant Gribbs when she broke down, they've led her out of the hallway now. All these weeks of trying to figure out what my dream could be foreshadowing, and it never occurred to me that it would be something like this.  
  
  
It was one dull morning   
Woke the world with bawling   
I was so sad   
It was so bad   
  
  
I just stand, staring at the table. I told her to stay on the job, to give it a chance. All those weeks of waking up in tears and screaming, wondering why the dream was back. I know now.  
  
  
I was of a feeling it was out of control   
I had the opinion it was out of control  
  
  
I don't know when it was exactly that my life went completely out of control, but I hate the feeling. Holly's gone, Brass is out of CSI and Grissom's brought in someone from San Francisco. Nothing's the same anymore.  
  
  
Boys and Girls   
Go to the school and girls   
They make children   
Not like this one   
  
  
On Holly's first night, I had to process this little girl, right around Lindsey's age. I hate cases like that, but I was doing okay until she asked me to take care of her dolly for her. Sometimes I can't believe what human beings are capable of doing to each other.  
  
  
I was of a feeling it was out of control   
I had the opinion it was out of control   
  
  
I told Holly I love this job, and most of the time I do, but there are days when I just wish it'd all go away.  
  
  
I was of a feeling it was out of control   
I had the opinion it was out of control   
  
  
After shift, I sit it Brass' office…my office. I sink into the chair. This is my office now. A couple of days ago, everything was fine. Sure, I was exhausted from the nightmares, but I was coping. But now…now everything's different.  
  
  
Out of control   
  
  
After shift, I go to try to find Grissom. Everything's spinning out of control, and I don't want to be alone. Not now. It's too dangerous for me to be alone right now.  
  
  
I fought fate   
There's blood on the garden gate   
The man said childhood   
It's in his childhood   
  
  
I look up when I hear someone enter the room. Catherine comes in, with a look on her face that makes my blood run cold. Since her promise to never attempt suicide again, she has come to me a couple of times when it was obvious that it was on her mind, when she was struggling. The look on her face then is the one she's wearing now.   
  
  
One day I'll die   
The choice will not be mine   
Will it be too late   
You can't fight it   
  
  
I enter the room and from the look on Gil's face, I know he knows what's wrong. This isn't the first time I've come to him like this. I come whenever things have spun out of control and I'm just not sure if I can take it anymore. I will keep my promise. No matter how hard it is sometimes, or how badly I am tempted, I will keep my promise.  
  
  
I was of a feeling it was out of control   
  
  
Catherine comes and sits in the chair on the other side of the desk. No words are spoken, there aren't really any that can be right now. We sit in silence as we hear the world go to hell around us.  
  
  
I had the opinion it was out of control  
  
TBC 


	4. Everybody Cries

Title: Choices Remembered  
  
Chapter 4-Everybody Cries  
  
Summary: Tryin' to draw the line between who you are/ And who you invent/ But if you throw a stone/ Something's gonna shatter somewhere/ We're all so fragile/ We're all so scared/ You say you wanna learn/ How to live your life without tears/ But we've been trying to do that/ For thousands of years/ So go on and cry Ophelia/ It's the only thing to do sometimes  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, so this is something completely different. This chapter is going to be in third person omniscient POV instead of first person, like the rest of the chapters in this series. It's basically a whirlwind tour through the show, ending at High and Low. It's the last chapter for this story, but there will be one more story in this series, dealing with the aftermath of High and Low. Hope you all enjoy! Massive thanks to Angie for betaing this chapter. The song Cry Ophelia is by Adam Cohen. The beginning of this series (and the rest of my CSI fic) can be found at my site:   
  
Spoilers: Oh yeah. There are specific spoilers for: Crate 'n Burial, Pledging Mr. Johnson, Friends & Lovers, Who Are You?, Blood Drops, Anonymous, Boom, Too Tough To Die, Face Lift, Gentle, Gentle, The Sounds of Silence, The Strip Strangler, Chaos Theory, Bully for You, Alter Boys, Slaves of Las Vegas, The Finger, Burden of Proof, Felonious Monk, The Hunger Artist, A Little Murder, The Execution of Catherine Willows, and High and Low.  
  
Something went wrong  
You're not laughing  
  
Grissom knocked on Catherine's door, holding the science kit he'd gotten for Lindsey. She might not want a party, but she still deserved presents. Lindsey grinned when saw who was at the door, "Hi Uncle Grissom!"  
  
He smiled. He wasn't normally a big fan of kids, but there was just something special about Lindsey. "Hey Linds, happy birthday." He handed her the present as he entered the house.   
  
Lindsey quickly tore open the package and grinned wider when she saw what it was. "Neat!" Just then, Catherine entered the room. "Mommy! Look what Uncle Grissom got me for my birthday!"  
  
Catherine forced a smile, "That's great honey. Why don't you take it up to your room, okay?"  
  
When she was gone, Grissom looked at Catherine. "I hope you don't mind. I know she didn't want a party, but I thought she should still get a present."  
  
Catherine shook her head, "It's fine." He looked at her askance, silently asking what was going on. She sighed, "she didn't want a party because she wanted to spend time with me. She said that she never gets to see me. I'm not doing good with her Gil, no matter what you say."  
  
"You're doing the best you can. She understands that."  
  
Catherine looked in the direction Lindsey had gone, "Yeah."  
  
It's not so easy now to get you to smile  
  
Catherine and Grissom walked out of the Swelco home, watching as the coroner put the body in the van. Grissom started towards the car, but stopped when he noticed that Catherine wasn't following him. He turned back to her and looked at her questioningly. She closed her eyes briefly, "I'm sorry. I got involved and I wasn't thinking, and now…"  
  
Grissom nodded, "Yeah." He then headed back towards the car, and this time Catherine followed him. He opened her door for her, which normally made her smile, but this time, she didn't even acknowledge it as she got in and waited for him. They were silent as they pulled away.  
  
You gotta be strong  
To walk these streets  
And keep from falling  
  
Grissom closed his eyes as the roller coaster started. He tried to let himself forget about the previous shift. There was just something about handling cases that dealt with kids and drugs that always got to him. Catherine'd told him once that she had started cocaine when she was sixteen, and she often wondered how different things might have been if she hadn't. As the roller coaster dropped, Grissom squeezed his eyes tighter and forced his mind to clear, if only for a moment.  
  
But when you're not, just let yourself cry  
  
Catherine let herself and Lindsey into the house after they got back from the park. She kept replaying the conversations she'd had with Eddie over the past couple of days. And over and over she heard her words, "It wasn't all bad". And truthfully, it hadn't been. As she wandered to the kitchen to make something for Lindsey to eat, her mind swirled in confusion. She remembered the good times. But she also remembered the beatings and the drunken nights, and suddenly, with alarming clarity, she remembered the day she tried to end it all. Eddie had driven her there. There was no going back. Wiping the lone tear that trailed down her cheek, she turned her attention to the pasta she was cooking.  
  
You've been working so hard  
Just trying to pay the rent  
  
Catherine's head snapped up when she heard a car door slam. She reached the door just as Lindsey and Eddie were entering the house. She bent to give Lindsey a hug. "Hey sweetie, why don't you go to your room for a minute, okay?" Once Lindsey had left, she turned to Eddie, fury in her eyes. "How dare you?," she hissed.   
  
Eddie looked back at her, "I did what I thought was best for Lindsey."  
  
"I'm working so that I can support her! Heaven knows you're certainly not making enough to do so!"  
  
"You're neglecting her!"  
  
"I'm doing the best I can!"  
  
"Yeah, well it's not good enough."  
  
Catherine struggled to keep her voice down. Lindsey didn't need to hear them fighting again, "You're not going to win, Ed."  
  
He smirked, "Oh yeah? What about when they find out you used to be an addict and a stripper? Or that you tried to kill yourself while she was at home? What then?"  
  
Stunned speechless, Catherine could only watch him as he left.  
  
Tryin' to draw the line between who you are  
And who you invent  
  
Grissom burst into his office, slamming his door shut as he did so. He was furious. He'd had Millander and he'd let him get away. The guy'd even been to the lab and allowed to leave again. In frustration, he threw a book across the desk, not even flinching as it slid off and hit the ground. Millander'd made it personal, had involved him in this. He turned when he heard the door open, "What!"  
  
Catherine didn't blink. She'd seen him like this before. Not often, but she had seen it. "I thought I'd come see what all the crashing was since the rest of the team's too scared to."  
  
Grissom slumped into his seat, the fight leaving him, "sorry."  
  
She shook her head and entered the room, "Don't worry about it. Why don't you go home, there's nothing else we can do about this tonight."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
As he got up and started to get his things together to leave, Catherine decided to mention something that had been bothering her. "Grissom, your birthday…"  
  
He cut her off, "yeah." And then he was gone.  
  
But if you throw a stone  
Something's gonna shatter somewhere  
  
Catherine watched from the doorway as Grissom pinned a newspaper article on the wall. She couldn't see what it was from where she stood, but she had a feeling it probably had something to do with the bomb case. Grissom turned around and started, surprised to find Catherine in the doorway. In an attempt to cover his surprise, he quickly asked, "How's Nick?"  
  
Catherine smiled slightly. She knew he was trying to hide the fact that she'd startled him, but she could tell that he was also genuinely concerned about Nick. Her smile faded as she answered him. "He's, um, I think he'll be okay, eventually. It's gonna take a while though, I think." Grissom nodded and turned back to the newspaper article he'd just placed on the wall. Catherine stepped into the room and saw that she was right. It was a picture and article on Dominic.   
  
We're all so fragile  
  
After Sara had left his office, Grissom sat in his seat for a moment, thinking about what she'd just said. She was wrong, he did feel, he just couldn't let it get in the way of what he did, he couldn't let it control him. Sighing, he gathered his things together and left the office. As he passed by the break room, he noticed Catherine sitting at the table. As she moved her arm to take a sip of coffee, he noticed the bruises on her wrist. He winced. He hadn't been able to get Eddie away from her quickly enough. He never had. Sensing his presence, Catherine looked up to see Grissom standing in the doorway. As he opened his mouth to speak, she forestalled his question, "I'm fine." He didn't look like he believed her, but he simply nodded and left. When he was gone, she put her head in her hands and swallowed the tears she could feel rising.  
  
We're all so scared  
  
As Grissom and Catherine drove away from the Marlowe's, they were silent, thinking about the case and how it had ended. "I don't blame them for what they did. Melissa's very…convincing."  
  
Grissom glanced quickly at Catherine in surprise when she started to speak. "Sociopaths can be."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Something in her voice made Grissom glance at her again, but he returned his eyes to the road. Catherine noticed the look he gave her, but ignored it. She hadn't told him about her trip to the prison to see Melissa, hadn't told him about their conversation, or the way Melissa had tried to manipulate her. Catherine continued to look out the window. Melissa could be very convincing indeed.  
  
You say you wanna learn  
How to live your life without tears  
  
After they had made sure that Gwen got past the press and to her family alright, Grissom and Catherine decided to go out to eat. However, when their food arrived, they both just sat and looked at it, neither able to eat. The case had gotten to both of them. Finally, Catherine spoke up, "she was just trying to protect her son," she whispered, her voice wavering slightly at the end.  
  
Grissom closed his eyes and leaned his head back, "yeah."  
  
But we've been trying to do that  
For thousands of years  
  
Grissom returned from the school for the deaf to find Catherine waiting on his front steps for him. She was shaking slightly, which concerned him, so he joined her on the steps. He bumped her shoulder softly with his own, "Hey." She looked up at him. "I thought you caught the guy, what's wrong?"   
  
Catherine looked at her hands, "He killed them because one of the girls was pregnant, Gil."  
  
Grissom closed his eyes for a moment. He remembered how scared Catherine had been when she'd found out she was pregnant with Lindsey. She kept telling him that Eddie didn't want a child and she didn't know what to do. He opened his mouth to say something to comfort her, but the only words that came out were, "I guess we were both forced to face our pasts tonight."  
  
Catherine turned to look at him. She knew about his mother, had even met her once. And the rest of the crew didn't know it, but Grissom wasn't the only one on night shift who knew how to sign. Sighing, she nodded her head and they sat silently side by side on Grissom's front stoop, looking up at the sky and wishing that the world could be a different place.  
  
So go on and cry Ophelia  
It's the only thing to do sometimes  
You know I'm crying too  
Right there with you  
  
When Catherine got home from breakfast with the crew, she sank onto her couch and put her head in her hands. *Never doubt, never look back. Yeah, right.* She had so many things in her life she looked back on, so many decisions she doubted, and this was certainly one of them. Not that she regretted saving Gil's life, she could never do that. But the fact remained that she had killed a man. She hastily wiped away her tears when she heard Lindsey open the door.  
  
Grissom sank onto his couch and took a deep, shuddery breath as what had happened that day finally hit him. He'd been so close to… He was startled out of his reverie when the phone rang. He picked it up and put it to his ear. It promptly slid. Surprised, he put his hand to his cheek and noticed for the first time that it was damp.   
  
It's alright Ophelia  
Everybody cries  
  
Catherine and Grissom watched the Rycoffs leave. He sighed tiredly, "We told them what happened."  
  
"Yeah, but we didn't give them what they needed. They needed some closure."  
  
He didn't understand her reasoning, "Truth brings closure."  
  
"Not always," Catherine whispered.   
  
Grissom finally turned to look at her. "What does that mean?"  
  
Catherine was still for a moment. She could faintly hear Mrs. Rycoff crying in the hallway. "It means…" She paused, flashing for a moment to her childhood. She remembered when she found out the reason why her mom had died. She shook herself back to the present and looked at Gil. "It means…it means that sometimes the truth just isn't good enough." She then got up and walked out the door and down the hallway, passing the crying Rycoffs as she did so. The truth didn't always bring closure.  
  
Thank god for my bad memory  
I've forgotten some of the stupid things  
That I've done  
  
Catherine gave Grissom the stamps he'd been looking for then left his office. This case had brought back a lot of memories for her. Memories of things she had done, people she'd been. Most of the time she was able to forget her past, but sometimes, something triggered the flood of forgotten moments that filled her history. Moments that were better left forgotten. She walked out of the building, not noticing that Gil was watching her go with a vaguely worried expression on his face.  
  
I've come to a little wisdom  
Through a whole lot of failure  
  
Catherine hadn't been surprised when Gil showed up at her door. She'd heard about Ben Jenning's suicide and knew he'd be upset. She sat in a chair opposite him and waited while he drank his coffee. She'd let him get his composure before she started trying to get him to talk to her. He surprised her by speaking first. "It's my fault."   
  
She looked at him in surprise, "No it's not."  
  
He had begun his reply before she'd even finished speaking, already knowing what she was going to say, "Yes, it is. I didn't try hard enough, I didn't do enough… I should have been able to stop it, somehow."  
  
Catherine shook her head, "there's nothing more that you could do."  
  
He looked at her, haunted, "there should have been."  
  
She lightly grasped his hand, "I know, but there wasn't."  
  
He nodded in defeat. She was right.  
  
So I watch more carefully  
What rolls off my tongue  
  
"Catherine, I've never told anyone this before…" He paused. He couldn't think of anything to tell her. The only thing that came to mind was that he had never been more scared in his life than when he found her after her suicide attempt. Not even the fear he felt when he was sure Syd Goggle was going to kill him could compare. But he couldn't tell her that. He couldn't ever tell her that. He heard an impatient noise and looked at her. She was obviously still waiting for his big revelation. But he couldn't think of one to tell. He sighed with relief when Warrick called his name and he turned to speak with him. His secret was safe.  
  
You pray for rain  
But you don't want it from a storm  
  
When Catherine left the prison after speaking to Logan she got to her car and was unsurprised to find Grissom leaning against it, waiting for her. Without a word, she got in the passenger's side, allowing him to drive. She was quiet as he drove. The entire time she'd been in the car with Logan, her first priority was to find Amanda and the person who had taken her. She let out a short, bitter laugh. She'd found them alright. Grissom glanced at her when he heard her laugh, he had a feeling it wasn't over something funny. The look on her face told him he was right. He looked back to the road and continued to drive to her house. There were no words that either of them could say.  
  
You find a rose  
And cut your finger on a thorn  
  
Catherine walked into CSI headquarters, her head throbbing from a hangover. She'd had way too much to drink at Grissom's. She entered the break room to find Sara already there, holding a plant in her hands and grinning. Catherine felt her stomach twist into knots at the look of joy on Sara's face. She sighed, it was her fault anyways, she was the one who had given Grissom the lecture on family. Hearing the sigh, Sara turned and saw Catherine at the counter. She smiled wider, "hey! Look at this plant, isn't it great? It's from Grissom."  
  
Catherine forced out a tight smile, "yeah, great."  
  
So go on and cry Ophelia  
  
After leaving the Buddhist temple, Grissom returned to the lab to file the paperwork. He saw Catherine walk out of the cold storage room. She was shaking and her face was pale. He stopped in his tracks. He'd seen her upset before, but not like this. For just a moment, he was afraid that she would go back on her promise, that this time she wouldn't be strong enough. But then she turned, and saw him, and without a word went into his office. He followed her and found her already sitting in the guest chair, her body shaking with the effort it took her not to cry. He closed the door and held her close as she finally let the tears fall. She would always keep her promise, no matter who else betrayed her. As that thought floated in his mind, he made a silent promise of his own. He would never betray her.  
  
It's the only thing to do sometimes  
  
Grissom pulled up in front of Catherine's house, his mind still reeling with what the doctor had told him. He was going deaf, just like his mother had. He sat in the car, and stared at her house. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn't go to her, he couldn't let her see him break down, which he knew he would if he talked to her right now. He turned the car back on and pulled away, never looking back.   
  
You know I'm crying too  
Right there with you  
  
After the shift was over, Catherine went to Grissom's office to drop off the paperwork. He looked up at her, the worry in his eyes unmistakable. She ducked her head, hoping that he wouldn't notice the still vivid cut on her forehead. No such luck. She heard him get up and walk around his desk, coming to a stop directly in front of her.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
She lifted her head, about to snap at him, but was stopped by the worry and pain in his eyes. Her face crumpled and he wrapped his arms around her as the sobs she had kept in all day sprang forth. She didn't notice that Grissom had to tilt his head up slightly to keep his own tears from falling.  
  
It's alright Ophelia  
  
Catherine walked away from the prison to her car. She headed back to the lab, hoping Grissom would still be there, she didn't want to be alone right now. On her way to his office, she passed by Brass. She knocked lightly on his door and he looked up from the paperwork he had just started. Without a word she sat in the chair Brass had just vacated and picked up some of the paperwork he was doing and started in on it. Grissom looked at her for a moment, wanting to say something, but changed his mind. Whatever words she needed right now, he didn't have them. All he could do was be there. He smiled slightly as he returned to his own work. Perhaps that was enough.  
  
Everybody cries  
  
Grissom came home and immediately went to the alcohol. Catherine had asked him if everything was okay and he had lied. He had even changed the website he was looking at so she wouldn't know. He couldn't remember the last time he had lied to her. But he couldn't tell her this. She'd had a rough enough time the last couple of months. She didn't need this too. He had to protect her. Quickly finishing his first beer, he headed to the couch while drinking his second. He never even noticed the tears running down his cheeks.  
Finis 


End file.
